Dads Love, Laugh, Listen and Learn…
"Almost any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad."
The quality of Love, Laughter, Listening and Learning within a family are the key factors in its happiness and success. These four values are the foundation of any happy, healthy family and society.
The family is the most basic and important unit of any society or nation. Without healthy, functioning families, a culture cannot survive.
LOVE
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia
The three words 'I love you' are probably the most powerful words a man can say. The greatest challenge may be to utter them in the first instance, seconded by putting them into practice.
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things. Love is unconditional. Love is an activity, not simply a feeling.
Studies have long shown that love has many health, wellbeing, financial and wisdom benefits.
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Theodore M Hesburgh
LAUGH
Of all the goals we may pursue in life, love and happiness are the only ones to have worth in themselves; all the others - health, power, money, work, beauty, success - make sense only as means of achieving love and happiness.
"Children learn to smile from their parents." - Shinichi Suzuki
Laughter is vital to successful parenting. Laughter is vital for your children to have fun and for you to keep your sanity.
Laughter strengthens family relationships and helps keep you and your children in good health.
Parenting can be a serious business, but your children will teach you to laugh again, if you allow them to.
Children laugh about 300 to 400 times a day. Adults laugh an average of 12 to 17 times a day. Whilst in the 1930's it was estimated that people laughed approximately 16 to 18 minutes daily, now we are doing well if we manage to laugh for 6 minutes every day.
Scientists estimate that laughing 100 times is equivalent to a 10-minute workout on a rowing machine, or to 15 minutes on a stationary exercise bike. The mere act of laughing exercises the diaphragm, as well as the abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles.
Laughter is the BEST MEDICINE!
Health Benefits of Laughter
reduce stress
lower blood pressure
elevate mood
boost immune system
improve brain functioning
protect the heart
connect you to others
foster instant relaxation
makes you feel good
Mental Health Benefits of Laughter
Humor enhances our ability to affiliate or connect with others.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Humor unites us, especially when we laugh together.
Laughter heals.
Laughs and smiles are enjoyed best when shared with others.
Humor changes behavior – when we experience humor we talk more, make more eye contact with others, touch others, etc.
Humor increases energy, and with increased energy we may perform activities that we might otherwise avoid.
Finally, humor is good for mental health because it makes us feel good!
Good health is one of the many benefits of laughter. Laughter reduces our stress levels by reducing the level of stress hormones, and also helps us cope with serious illnesses.
Dads should always bring home the fun at the end of the day. Learn and tell jokes, get out your comedy movies, do things that make you happy and laugh. For example, there’s few funnier family experiences than ‘a Dad dance’.
"He who has achieved success has worked well, laughed often and loved much." - Elbert Hubbard
LISTEN
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." - Ralph Nichols
Listening is a learned artform that is rarely practiced well. When we listen to people we honour them and give weight to their words.
When we listen to our children we show them our love by our deeds and become more compassionate in the process.
Each of us has two ears and one mouth, giving us a lesson in the necessary parent ratio of listening to speaking.
To listen to someone is to respect them. What greater honor can we give to our children. Listening is love in action.
Here are some facts about listening:
All communication is received ... but 70-90% of the data is screened out or altered by the receiver. So what you say is NOT necessarily what the listener gets.
Listening is incorrectly perceived as not very powerful by most people.
Rates of speaking to listening: We listen at 1,000 to 1,200 words a minute. We speak at around 300 words a minute. Thus, our minds wander.
We have a strong cultural tendency to tune out.
Listening is a learned active engagement that is a key factor in successful parenting. We can all become better listeners to improve our relationships.
"Something I wish I could teach parents is to listen to kids rather than ignore or say 'That's nice.' Instead, listen, really listen, to what children have to say." - Holly, age 12
LEARN
"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." - Robert Fulghum
Learning is the joy of children and the privilege of parents. If we are wise, we will allow our children to teach us how to enjoy the moment, laugh and listen. When we mix this with love, we begin to learn the joys of being a successful parent.
The stage of life during which we learn at the fastest rate is the first ten years.
Dads can help make good things happen
Always focus on what you want, not what you don't want. The unconscious mind cannot process negatives. If I ask you not to think of a pink elephant, you will immediately think of a pink elephant. Always give direction for what you want your children to think and do. So dads, the common example of saying to children “stop fighting” should reflect a desired positive outcome. "I want the two of you to happily play soccer in the backyard together".
When people expect good things to happen and believe good things will happen, they find that good things happen! Focus on what you want. Stay focused on the positive desired results. Imagine every minute detail of how those positive results will look, feel, hear, taste, smell, as if you have already achieved the positive results. Vividly imagine yourself happy and successful. You are then on your way to achieving the success you deserve and desire!
Your unconscious mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
Your beliefs are fueled by your faith in yourself, and by what you tell yourself through: thoughts, images, and feelings. You can enhance and fine tune these beliefs by listening, learning and practicing 'what you think' about and keeping what you find works best for you.
Dads, give positive directions to your children. Clearly tell them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do……and don’t yell or swear, it just winds you up and verges you closer to a loss of control…not clever!
Try not to say "don't", say "I’d like you to do this. Show me how you would do this one...” (redirecting them to an appropriate positive activity)."
How we learn and remember
The human brain thinks in pictures.
The human brain learns - and remembers - new information by associating it to something it already knows.
The human brain remembers wild and outrageous things easier than the mundane.
The brain needs a trigger. Something needs to initiate the recall.
Making your brain learn better
The brain centre involved in emotions is directly connected to the learning system. When they are activated, they automatically start the teaching circuits (chains of nerve cells). This is why emotional events—our first day of school, the birth of child, a parent's death—become so engraved in our memories.
We can take advantage of this natural learning booster by believing something is important. If we try to learn without feeling interested, very little of that information will be saved in our memories. But if we force ourselves to treat what we're learning as if it were vitally important, our brains will join in, and will trigger our learning circuits.
The difference is astounding. When they are not interested, people learn 10 percent or less of what they're taught. But when we are interested, we remember more than 90 percent!
The secret of a great memory is ‘original awareness’. When people say they forgot something, they usually mean they never remembered it in the first place. Awareness means paying attention and exploring different aspects of the subject matter.
Memory works by association. In order for you to remember any new thing, it must be associated with something you already know or remember. As you learn and remember more, you give your memory more ‘hooks’ to add further associations. By doing this, you may rapidly become a genius!
Ensure you are clear, confident and prepared to be very straightforward with people and communicate what you truly want.
In general people in a learning situation retain:
10% of what they read
20% of what they hear
30% of what they see
50% of what they see and hear
70% of what they talk over with others
80% of what they use and do in real life
95% of what they teach someone else
Therefore, teach your children well, be very involved in their day to day, and you will learn and remember a great deal of their childhood……as will they.