Imprinting…Unravelling an Over-Processed Approach to Parenting
The lifelong journey of parenting is one of the most relentless and rewarding you are likely to ever experience. This is an exciting, exhausting period where life’s experiences can be enjoyed and at times dismayed over. At times it may feel like a large exercise in troubleshooting, frustration and experimentation.
None the less, like any new adventure this one is full of rewarding experiences and you will undoubtedly look back over this time in years to come and recognise the value of your efforts- the ultimate reward being the development of a compassionate, loving, respectful and considerate human being who seeks out interaction, enjoys learning and is comfortable within his/her space in the world.
A newborn arrives with so much in store. A myriad of experiences already, a personality to develop and a temperament to explore. There are people and animals to interact with and an environment to discover. The infant is primed to do so and the first few hours, days, months and years provide a multitude of opportunity to go forth, investigate and make sense of the world.
The neuronal connection, the development and refining of cognition and sensory processing during this time are immense. The brain and senses are working overtime to further enhance the base that has already been laid and the supportive framework required to constantly build on this and make adaptations.
Every parent I have ever met wants their child to have the best of beginnings, to have positive experiences, build happy memories and have opportunities to learn. But where to begin? How do we optimise these opportunities to ensure each infant has cause to reach their full potential? To become a person who not only knows how to express emotion and enjoy interactions with other living beings, but is also happy and comfortable with their presence in the world.
When I work with new mums and dads with regard to educating for a positive, protective parent-infant relationship, I always begin at the basics- consider the five senses. Yes, sight, sound, touch, smell and taste have always seemed to me to be a logical place to start and to sleep deprived, overwhelmed parents is a theory easy to understand and apply in those early few weeks.
Optimising opportunity for the baby to experience the sight of the parent’s faces, the sound of their voice, the touch of their skin, their smell and taste primes the baby for connection and a sense of security in familiarity of these things.
The simplicity of this idea sits as somewhat of a contrast to the sometimes over-processed, task- orientated world of parenting, where information is abundant, advice is plentiful and conflicting, and the race to be the best parent, with the baby who eats well, sleeps through the night and walks first, reigns supreme.
The latter is discussed in new parenting groups, but what of the baby’s sense of belonging to something or someone? What of their sense of connection and feelings of being safe? Or ability to adapt to the inevitable changes they will or may have already experienced in their lives? Are they showing signs that they feel connected to someone? Is the parent-infant relationship solid?
You are already one of the most intriguing things in your baby’s world. Make use of this bond, whatever form it takes. Practice the concept of imprinting by allowing your baby to experience the gentle, calm use of the five senses – remember, this is a two-way street, with you gaining comfort from seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching your baby, also - now watch that bond grow:
Allow your baby to see you as often as possible and revel in the beauty of your baby, smiling at you, laughing with dad and interacting with grandma. The sight of you may be all he needs at times to calm and feel a sense of security.
Talk to your baby, and talk to yourself when your baby is in earshot. Sing, hum and whistle when your baby is listening. The sound of your voice is comforting and familiar to him. Reciprocate by listening and responding with joy and animation to your baby’s conversation attempts.
Allow your baby to smell you. This is not just the smell of breast milk, but also the smell of your body. We all exude our own skin smell, so the familiarity of your own personal smell and that of your baby’s provides comfort and familiarity. Babies exude pheromones from their scalp. Do you find yourself sometimes smelling the top of your baby’s head? Sniffing in these love hormones will have a positive influence on your relationship.
We often suck our baby’s fingers and toes, blow raspberries on their tummies. We are tasting our babies as often as they taste us. Your baby may lunge at and suck on your chin or nose, or show a preference for your thumb knuckle, gnawing on it like a chicken bone! Taste is a powerful sense that is designed to optimise survival of the species. As odd as it sounds, allowing your baby to taste you is important.
Lastly, the power of touch is familiar to us all. Decades ago babies in Romanian orphanages, who were almost devoid of all human contact for years showed significant deficits in their health and development.
Your relationship with your baby will strengthen when the two-way process of imprinting between parent and child is allowed to occur. The sense of security this brings to you both will surely optimise the mental and physical health of tomorrow’s child. None-the-least of which is enabling the child to utilise the parent to down-regulate……. but, that’s another important part of being a parent., and a story for another day.