15 Tips to Stop Losing Your Temper With Your Kids

You never wanted to be that parent …. you know the one you see at the park screaming at their kids. Or perhaps you are starting to sound like your own parent … the one you were never going to be like…. the one who threatened and yelled, then sent you to your room. But, somehow that is who you have become.

Well, here are some tips to help you break the cycle, teach you a new default, and help you to apologise to your kids less for losing it each day, but rather turn your responses around to a more positive outcome : -

1.      Parent like someone is watching you. Really.  You will see how much differently you act.  You will follow all of those “parent rules” like consistency, calmness & being firm, but fair… all the ones that you know you should be following.

2.      Pretend that it isn’t your child.   If you were their teacher, not their parent, how would you react.  I taught for a few years and never once yelled at a child.

3.      Be the teacher, not just the rule enforcer.  Show them what you expect and explain why.

4.      Recognise when you are going to lose your temper and stop it.  Are the kids getting louder?  Are the toys getting messier?  Is dinner running behind?  Recognise it and fix it before it escalates to losing your temper.  It is usually a lot of little things that equals one big explosion.

5.      Speak quietly instead of yelling.  The calmer and softer you speak, the more impact your words will have.

6.      Give yourself a time out.  Walk into another room for a few minutes.  Let yourself cool down and then walk back and address the problem.

7.      Get enough rest.  Our kids get cranky when they are tired… why would it be any different for the adults?

8.      Think long-term.  If you do this “______” now (Yell, talk rudely, etc…) how will it be remembered by them tomorrow, in a week, in a month?  Don’t break their spirit because you lost your temper.

9.      Exercise. You have to get your stress and frustrations out and working them out is the perfect way to do it. Plus, you are setting a great example for your kids.

10.   Be consistent.  This is huge for your kids.  They need you to be consistent so they can know what to expect.   It is the hardest part of parenting, in my opinion, because there are so many different instances that can allow for inconsistency.

11.   Start with a positive.  “You are normally just so sweet, but it hurt my heart that you just raised your voice to me” or “I love you, but I don’t like that behaviour.”

12.   Try squeezing a stress ball when you get upset.  They really work and many therapist and councillors suggest them.

13.   Try using a “talking stick”  when you get mad.  When  the child  is talking, they are holding the stick and have your full attention for a minute, then switch.  Let your child explain what has happened and then give yourself a chance to explain why you are upset also, whilst you hold the stick.

14.   Don’t get into a back and forth argument.  It only escalates the problem and won’t result in a good outcome.

15.   Be kind.  Above all, remember to be kind.  Remember: firm, but fair. No, your kids won’t remember that day that you were late.  They won’t remember that they couldn’t find their shoes or that they couldn’t find their homework, but they will remember how you reacted, because they will learn to react the same way.

They will mimic you, try to be like you and learn from  you.   Remember that right now, at this moment, your kids are being just like you.  Be the example that would make anyone proud.  Be the parent that you want your children to be in thirty years.  You are a wonderful parent… if you weren’t you certainly wouldn’t be reading this, so let your kids see that side of you.