Are you really seeing your child?
Have you ever stopped to consider the true emotional toll parenting takes on you? Not the obvious stuff like loss of sleep or the ever-present worry for your kids’ general well-being, but the constant, almost subconscious, mental scanning of your little one’s needs?
Is this one hungry? Why is that one crying? Does this one have dirty ears? Does this one need their fingernails clipped? Does that one need his nose wiped? That one needs shoes and socks. This one needs his face scrubbed. That one needs a nappy change and has hair that needs combing. This one hasn’t had a bath in three days. That one is starting to cough. This one needs shoes tied.
And then the prioritising of the assessed needs: wipe nose now, nappy change now, fingernail clipping can wait another day, bath later, remember to call the doctor …
You’re doing it all day, every day. You don’t even realise you’re doing it because it becomes second nature, almost the minute your baby is born. But think about the toll all of that constant analysing and assessment takes on your system! Basically every few seconds you’re scanning your children, inspecting and interpreting almost every move they make. No wonder parents get caught up in their routines just to make each day happen and keep kids alive with food in their bellies and relatively clean bodies. Our brains are exhausted!
But sometimes, amid the chaos of life, when we’re so tired, we switch on parenting auto-pilot, we forget to REALLY look at our children. Not assessing what they need, but looking into their eyes to see how they’re really doing, how they’re really feeling, as opposed to the constant welfare-check-type scanning a parent regularly does.
I just wanted to offer a gentle reminder that amid the chaos of coordinating a family don’t forget to really see what’s going on in the hearts and minds of your children.
Parenting is hard, I know. Believe me, I know. Ensuring there is a family schedule seems a logical system, ensuring all shoes are clean, all hair is brushed, a week of meals are planned and prepared by Sunday night, lunch boxes are packed the night before, stories are read each evening, activities are attended on time and so the list goes on. But truly, who lives like that?
Who can achieve this week after week, day after day, morning after morning, night after night? I’ll let you in on a little secret, not too many of us! Because life gets in the way … and so it should! Children get sick, parents get sick, cars break down, plans get cancelled, you don’t get to the supermarket, work happens, you get locked out of the house, it rains…
I’m not here to preach about how you should be doing this or how you should do that, because many, many days are the kind where you just do what you have got to do to get to the evening. I just wanted to offer a gentle reminder that amid the chaos of coordinating a family, don’t forget to really see what’s going on in the hearts and minds of your children.
Remind yourself each day to stop and talk to your children to better understand what’s going on in their world because it makes a world of difference to them, and to you … share their moments, their excitement, their falls, their pride in achievement, delight in them, and although you didn’t get the washing in before the rain …. it’s been a good day
Childhood is a developmental process. Parenting is a developmental process.
We grow…We learn…Together