Becoming a Parent … the bits we don’t talk about
The first few months after having a baby is a period of time like no other.
It is a life stage that arrives after many months of growing a new life inside of you and constantly adjusting to all the biological and psychological changes that brings. The arrival of your baby is a powerful event, regardless of delivery style. Your infant must slowly unfurl into a world of bright lights, noise, pollution and new experiences and you must recover from a life-changing period of physical change and emotional upheaval.
This can be a confusing time for new parents, where advice is plentiful and your confidence takes a dive as you adjust to your new role, during which you begin to recognise the true meaning of being a parent. That’s right, the sleep-deprived 24/7 parenting model that looks somewhat different to your ideals as a parenting by-stander watching a mother respond to a demanding child in a supermarket. You soon realise you were not even close in your estimate of how this new experience was going to feel and what your reactions to your baby might be.
5 home truths:
It's highly likely an infant will not automatically fit into your current lifestyle, so you must adjust yours somewhat to accommodate THEIR needs. Your infant has certain requirements for sleep, nutrition, emotional connection and physical connection. You will be on a 24-hour clock regarding activities for a little while and your infant’s next sleep and feed will be informed by the quality of the previous, so relax the schedule a little during this period.
This new exhaustion is like no other. You thought you were exhausted after a labour-intensive 12-hour day at work, but this is completely different. Feeling tired takes on a whole new meaning and reaches heights of exhaustion you could never imagine.
This period may feel monotonous, relentless and complicated. You may have days where you feel like you have ‘tried everything’ to increase your milk supply or get your baby to sleep, with little success. There will be days that end where you feel you have literally achieved nothing all day. I have had many mothers comment to me that they didn’t recognise the boredom and loneliness that can come with being a new parent, where you crave for company just to gain a piece of the outside world.
Your relationship with your partner is likely to shift as you adjust to your new roles. Being tired may make you scratchy and without patience at times and partners often cop the brunt of this. The parent at home often resents the seemingly unchanged day of the parent ‘who gets to go to work each day’ or ‘gets to the gym or footy training twice a week, as before’. You will also discover much about each other watching the other respond to your baby. We often see traits of a parent having been parented in a certain way, then responding to their own baby in similar ways. That is, our own experience of being parented impacts on our approach to the parenting of our child(ren), whether we are aware of this or not. Sometimes this is difficult for mothers and fathers to experience, or watch in the other.
Becoming a parent will reorganise your priorities. Often career-driven men and women become less so, once they become parents. They prefer to spend time with their family, rather than climbing that ladder of promotion. Protection and advocacy for your baby/child will begin to develop and you may well surprise yourself with how much of a Rottweiler you can be if anyone gets between you and your baby. Some parents report finding it difficult to allow others to touch or hold their baby. One parent once shared with me that handing their baby to a friend for a cuddle was like “handing over my kidney”.
Your journey into parenthood is without comparison and there is no doubt it will change you forever somehow. If we allow them to, infants and children can teach us so much about them and about ourselves. No two parenting journeys are the same… that’s just the wonder of it. I know you will have moments of pure magic along the way, so hold your baby close and don’t miss an opportunity to learn something new as your own parenting experience unfolds.