Relax they say… but how do I relax when I am so busy?

Some people report that they cannot relax, that relaxation is not working for them, or that they cannot bring themselves to practice relaxation.  Since all human beings share a similar biological make-up, there is usually no physical reason why relaxation should work for some people and not others.  

The reason that relaxation may not work for some people is usually some psychological factor or lack of practice. If you have difficulty relaxing it may be beneficial to explore the reasons for this difficulty.

You may find yourself making one or two of the statements below, as the reason for not being able to go through the relaxation process. Let’s examine these and provides some suggestions for change.

‘I’m too tense to relax’

In this case you use the very symptom that needs treating as a reason for not relaxing. Relaxation may take longer than expected but can be achieved with practice. It might be useful to consider whether there is some other factor involved. The experience of actually being deeply relaxed often changes this attitude.

‘I don’t like the feeling of relaxation’

About one in ten people report that when they relax they experience feelings that they do not like or which frighten them. These feelings may indicate that they are coming into contact with their bodies again and noticing sensations that may have been kept under check for many years.  Remember you are still in complete control and can quickly react to any situation if required.  With practice you may come to trust and enjoy the sensation of being relaxed.

‘I feel guilty wasting so much time’

Relaxation is an important part of any recovery process. An example of such process may be following childbirth. You should not feel guilty about spending time on yourself as everyone will benefit from you being more relaxed…particularly your baby and/or children. 

‘I can’t find the place or time’

You can adapt your relaxation time/ technique to suit your lifestyle. If you can’t find 20 minutes to relax, perhaps you could find 10 minutes?  If there is no private room at work or home you could go to a park. It is also important not to choose a time when you would rather be elsewhere. For example, it would not be sensible to choose to relax at lunch-time if you would prefer to be with friends. If you keep making excuses that there is no time to relax, you may need to re-evaluate whether there are any other factors that are stopping you from relaxing, and the need to set priorities.

‘I haven’t got the self-control’

It is important to realise that there are no quick and easy cures for stress or tension; it requires a certain amount of effect. The longest lasting treatment outcomes occur when you take responsibility for your recovery.  Responsibility means self-control, but self-control is difficult if you are not motivated.  

‘I’m not getting anything out of this’

Unfortunately, many people expect too much too soon from relaxation training. It is unreasonable to expect to undo years of habitual tension in a few relaxation sessions.  Impatience is a key symptom of anxiety and as such is an indicator that it is necessary to continue with relaxation training.  It is important for you to give the training enough time to take effort.  Set long-term goals rather than try to monitor day by day improvements. People may reasonably expect to see an improvement on a week by week basis but because of other factors should not expect each day to be better than the one before.

‘I can’t stop myself thinking’

Inability to stop thinking often interferes with relaxation.  It is only realistic to expect that thoughts will occur during the silence of relaxation. The trick is to not respond to them. Passively register their presence but develop the skill of not elaborating on them or responding emotionally.  Ignore thoughts and feelings and they disappear.