The First 7 Pillars of Optimising Child Development & Building Resilient Adults

  • Build self-belief in your kids

It is self -belief rather than ability that holds many kids back from achieving their best. Put effort into developing the courage to be imperfect, so that kids aren’t afraid of messing up. It is through mistakes that kids learn and grow.

  • Build self-knowledge in kids

Self-knowledge is the best knowledge that kids can have. The best way to do this is to develop the habit of describing kids being good. When they do something notable, tell them what they have done. “I loved the way you greeted your Nana with a smile. You’re really good with people.” This becomes part of their internal self-reference system, as it was told to them by a significant adult in their life… you.

  • Encourage kids to be self-occupiers

Kids ability to keep themselves occupied cannot be underestimated. Avoid rushing in when they seem bored. Suggest ideas rather than provide entertainment. Self-occupiers readily get into the state of flow and get lost in play, which is great for sense of achievement and mental health.

  • Balance boredom with busyness

Leave some spaces in kids schedules for some hangtime and muck-around time. These are good for building family relationships and promoting mental health.

  • Encourage a sense of generosity

Moving kids from ‘me’ to ‘we’ takes some work these days. Encourage kids to volunteer, give some pocket money to charity and giveaway unused toys to develop their sense of ‘other’.

  • Parent differently for each child

You can bet your bottom dollar what worked for one child won’t work for another, so be flexible with your behaviour management, communication and relationship-building skills. Read ‘Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It’.

  • Consciously model the behaviours you want

Kids will sometimes do as you say, but will always do what you do. If you want them to be generous and kind-spirited, then you have no choice but to be generous and kind-spirited yourself.

This list is by way of a beginning and a place for the earnest parent to start. There are 13 more pillars, of course and I will share these in future articles … so stay tuned to our newsletters for the next instalment soon. Our society, more than ever right now, needs kind and resilient humans, who have the imaginative abilities to discover and the courage to have a go…

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Raising Extraordinary Kids

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64 Positive Things to Say to Your Kids