The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

Becoming a mother for the first time changes you. You are no longer responsible for only you, but have at least one other person completely reliant on you.  This is often the time where it is easy to forget you are not only a mum or dad, but you also remain an individual with needs and aspirations of self.

Reclaiming yourself when you feel your identity slide can be challenging, particularly during the relentlessness of parenting.  Whether you are a stay at home parent, a parent who goes out to work or one that works from home, you may feel your worlds colliding at times as you try to keep all balls in the air, so remember to take care of yourself also, as you regularly put the needs of your child first.

Pamper yourself 

Once a week take over the bathroom, light some candles, remove all of the bath toys, fill up the bath with bubbles (not the Johnson & Johnson kind!) and indulge yourself with a long uninterrupted, peaceful soak.

If you’re a mum, schedule a regular hair or nail appointment, facial or massage. Even a coffee catch up with a friend….alone!   Find a beauty salon that does an evening appointment, if that is easier for childcare……or perhaps a Saturday morning?

If you’re a dad, find time to catch up with mates, get to the shed, go fishing or kick the footy.

Lose yourself in a book occasionally and sit in the garden whilst your baby sleeps. You might even like to get your hands dirty and pull the odd weed or plant some annuals to brighten things up a bit……….or just sit and relax.

Taking care of your physical self

Not only is exercise good for increasing your fitness, but it is also good for your mind. One of the modern day treatments for maintaining good mental health is moderate exercise, and you will find that it increases your energy levels too. 

A good way to begin is with a daily pram stroll. Or perhaps when your partner walks in the door in the evening, it might be a good opportunity to take half an hour for yourself and have a solo walk. You could even take the dog if you feel like it. Make your plan for exercise a daily habit and you will find it more easy to stick to. You might even find that you look forward to this opportunity each day and that you begin to see glimpses of your old self again. 

Yoga is also another good way of re-claiming exercise after childbirth. Begin with a gentle class and work your way up to something more intensive. The benefits you experience will encourage you to continue.

There are also a number of exercise classes where you can take your baby along and they can be nearby or participate during the class. Look for one in your local area because they can be lots of fun.

Playing a sport such as basketball or netball is another great way of keeping fit. Often sporting venues now have childcare available also.

Eat well

As parents we often go to great lengths to ensure our children eat healthily, then grab something quick and easy for ourselves. These quick foods are often less nutritious and are eaten on the run and at irregular intervals. Collectively, over a period of time these quick foods amount to an unhealthy diet with disastrous results. 

Rapid weight gain or loss and a poor nutritional status overall can contribute to sluggish digestion causing diarrhoea and/or constipation, low energy levels, hair loss, nail breakages, dry, cracked skin, inadequate breast milk supply, tiredness and poor concentration levels. This, of course, will not only affect the parent’s health but will have an impact on their parenting.

The importance of being you

Something happens when you have a child. Some of the friends you had before may become slightly distant and you lose touch, especially if they live away. 

Some of your friends may not have children of their own and may enjoy partying late. Knowing you have the responsibility of your child now will alter your priorities significantly and the thought of staying up late unnecessarily  may seem less enticing. 

Bed and gaining sleep will become your new best friend for a while. Those friends without children may drift away as you have less in common at this stage or your lives. Can you imagine partying until 2am knowing that you will have a baby waking you in 3 hours for a feed?

New friendships will be gained as you move into the family sphere. You will probably be invited to join a new parents group of some kind. Either a playgroup for dads or a mothers group through your local council. Try to make an effort and go to these group activities. It’s a great way to join up with like minds, share parenting stories, gain advice, get your parenting questions answered, and create new friendships. These friendships often endure over the years, as your children of similar ages become friends and head to kinder and school together.

Instead parents with young children might choose to socialise with their friends in their own homes. Movie nights, games nights or having dinner with friends in home, makes childcare less of an issue. 

Also, socialising with family often increases when you become a parent, which is a lovely way for your children to spend time with their extended family.  As a bonus this can assist family members to gain confidence with your children, which might even lead to the odd offer of babysitting occasionally. 

If you have family members over to your house for a meal, it may even be easier for you to let them know when you are getting tired and it is time for them to go home, so don’t be shy in doing so. It may not be quite so easy to point this out to a friend.

You as a couple

Although I’ve mentioned the importance of you maintaining your individual status when you become a parent, it is also important to remember to nurture your relationship as a couple. After all, that is how you became a family in the first place.

It’s easy to fall into the roles of mum and dad and forget that you were in a two person relationship prior- going out on dates, long lay-ins on a Sunday morning, heading off for a weekend away at a whim or going camping, fishing, skiing or scuba diving together seem long gone. They might be for now, but there is no reason why you can’t enjoy the simpler things and recognise these will become important to nurture your relationship with each other. 

Date nights at home, scheduling a walk, a swim or gym session and coffee together once a week, whilst grandma sits with the baby, or hiring a DVD and watching a movie snuggled up on the couch together are all great ways of reminding yourselves of the couple you are. 

The strength of your relationship with your partner will directly affect your child, so take very good care of it and take the time to fine tune it if it feels a bit bumpy at times. It’s important to check in with each other regularly to ensure that the other person is travelling ok too.